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A Brief Totally Accurate History Of Programming Languages

por Eduardo Espinosa Avila — Última modificación 17/08/2021 18:52
A Brief Totally Accurate History Of Programming Languages

 

1800
Joseph Marie Jacquard teaches a loom to read punch cards, creating the first heavily multi-threaded processing unit. His invention was fiercely opposed by the silk-weavers who foresaw the birth of Skynet.
1842
Ada Lovelace gets bored of being noble and scribbles in a notebook what will later be known as the first published computer program, only slightly inconvenienced by the fact that there were no computers around at the time.
1936
Alan Turing invents everything, the British courts do not approve and have him chemically castrated.
The Queen later pardoned him, but unfortunately he had already been dead for centuries at that time.
1936
Alonzo Church also invents everything with Turing, but from across the pond and was not castrated by the Queen.

...

1972

Dennis Ritchie got bored during work hours at Bell Labs so he decided to make C which had curly braces so it ended up being a huge success. Afterwards he added segmentation faults and other developer friendly features to aid productivity.
Still having a couple of hours remaining he and his buddies at Bell Labs decided to make an example program demonstrating C, they make a operating system called Unix.

...

1991

Guido van Rossum writes a cooking book about eggs and spam.

...

1995

Yukihiro Matsumoto is not very happy, he notices other programmers are not happy. He creates Ruby to make programmers happy. After creating Ruby “Matz” is happy, the Ruby community is happy, everyone is happy.

...

1996

James Gosling invents Java, the first truly overly verbose object oriented programming language where design patterns rule supreme over pragmatism.
Its super effective, the manager provider container provider service manager singleton manager provider pattern is born.

2001

Anders Hejlsberg re-invents Java and calls it C# because programming in C feels cooler than Java. Everyone loves this new version of Java for totally not being like Java.

...